Who wants FREE FOOD? This week we’re offering the first 100 subscribers to My Hot GF’s Spicy Newsletter 2 free meals* from Blue Apron! Just sign up for our updates and we’ll send you a link to unlock the offer. That’s 2 wholesome and nutritious quality dinners from Blue Apron–along with all the hot, titillating news and information you can handle from My Hot GF Cooks. I can’t even believe what I’m even saying: free dinner and My Hot GF? This is a giveaway I surely won’t permit for long.
*Discount code applies to customers ordering their first Blue Apron box. For more information visit their website, and don’t forget to use our discount code!
What the heck is Blue Apron?
For those of you who don’t use the internet and eat, Blue Apron is a nationwide weekly meal delivery service–not like Meals On Wheels other than your first two will be free when you sign up for our newsletter–but rather a gourmet option for people looking for delicious home-cooked dinners without the hassle of going out and purchasing the ingredients. Their meals can be customized to fit your dietary preferences and they update their menu offering each week so you never eat the same thing twice within the year. There is a catch, though; you have to cook the meals yourself. But have no fear, everything needed to do so is included in the box. All you have to do is open it and voila! You now have the power to be a master chef, right from the comfort of your own kitchen.
When my hot gf and I ordered Blue Apron our first time, I was ecstatic. For the first week ever since we started dating, I didn’t have to go to Shoprite.
How long does the box take to arrive?
They let you choose what day and time you would like it to arrive between between 8am and 8pm Tuesday-Friday, with the option of Monday and Saturday in some locations. The cardboard box is lined with ice packs so your food will stay fresh for awhile in case you’re not home when it’s delivered. Or live in a 4-story walk-up that your mailman won’t make with a doorbell that doesn’t work, leading you to discover packages sitting in your building doorway hours later assuming they haven’t already been “accidentally” received by someone else.
All food is included, at perfectly pre-measured portions. We’re talking literally everything–even butter. Because they know most of us will add more unless it’s rationed out. My dad claims he used to eat sticks of butter when he was a kid. Has anyone else ever done this?
Spoiler alert: What Morgan Freeman discovers in the box is not included, which is probably in Blue Apron’s best interest.
Chef’s Note: They don’t include olive oil, salt and pepper, which makes sense. If you do not own these items, you shouldn’t even have a kitchen. Everything also looked very fresh, from the meat to the produce.
What’s with the “blue” apron?
Apparently it’s some French thing–you know, elite chefs, Eiffel Tower, poodles. Disappointingly, there was no actual blue apron in the box, which surprised me since I think they’re missing an obvious marketing opportunity. Hello, Blue Apron, maybe some of us want to have a little fun? Maybe do a little role play, pretend we’re the chef and we’ve got to make something hot? I’m sure a lot of chicks (and probably some dudes) would tag themselves in pics wearing the apron: #BlueAprons. Oh well, it’s my idea now; this article is proof I came up with it. I’ll be on the lookout for the royalty checks coming my way.
As for My Hot GF, she’s got her own custom apron. Things are about to get hot and steamy in this kitchen. #MYHOTGFcooks
How did My Hot GF like cooking with Blue Apron?
‘Twas a cold, dank evening in the midst of a winter that seemed would never end. February: for being the shortest month of the year, you sure know how to feel the longest. My hot lady and I had just returned home from buying a bunch of soon-to-be-disassembled-and-returned rubbish from Ikea. I sat clumsily tinkering with the contents of a desk chair strewn about my living room floor with the apprehension of an infant in a playpen, while my hot gf stood festering in the kitchen, preoccupied with preparing nightly nourishment for her ever evolving man-baby.
“Can you come over?” she requested.
“Yes, my dear. Would you please hold for but only a moment?” I bid politely. But alas, I was already there; technically we were in the same room. My apartment is quite small. I continued sifting through a pile of mismatched accessories in search of an allen wrench.
“No, like now. Come over to stir this pot,” she instructed with the pointedness of a Communist dictator.
I reluctantly pulled myself up off the floor like a man with the weight of Ikea furniture literally on top of him and trudged over, snatching the wooden spoon out of her hand. I began to swirl the water about the pot in a circular… swirling motion. Then, she cracked an egg, and for a brief moment the entire world stood still—well everything other than my arm—as the fate of our dinner hanged on the very instant about to take place. Having only been my gf’s second attempt ever to poach an egg, those milliseconds prior to the yolk dropping into the water raised a lot of questions: would it remain in tact in the boiling water? Would it crumble and fall apart like ancient empires before us? How doth she manage to cracketh the egg with but one hand? Should I stir… or should I go now? Should I stir or should I go now? If I go there will be troubllllle. If I stir it will be double! So you’ve got to let me knoowwwww, should I–
“Shit! It fell apart,” she yelled.
Perhaps I should have swirled in a counter clockwise motion.
Take 2. Will the gods be on our side this time? Or shall they sacrifice another? This egg is our only savior, the last hope left for poached egg humanity. If not him, then who? We’ll have no choice but to resort the 3-month old egg that’s been sitting in my fridge–and nobody wants that egg. I’ve heard he’s a bad egg, one that makes other eggs want to scramble. He claims he’s the son of God, but everyone knows he’s the son of chicken. How do you crack an egg that has already cracked?
Success. The wise men from Blue Apron provided a meal we shall not soon forget. This dinner was exceptional, even with an expired egg from your fridge. It especially satisfied me, and that says a lot considering it was the vegetarian selection. Full of flavor, the scallions adding a nice crisp crunch with each savory bite of noodle coated impeccably by the perfectly poached egg. (I can’t resist pointing out my unintentional pun: impeccably. Eggs, hens–ok, you get it.) The greens were tasty, regardless of not knowing what they were.
“What say you of this green spinach-like substance of which we feast upon? ‘Tis it Swiss Chard–no; be it, bok choy?” I inquired.
“It’s neither. It’s… ‘You Chow’?” she responded skeptically.
“You Chow? No–you chow,” I retorted.
She chuckled. “No. It’s Yu Choy, that’s what it is… I don’t know, I’ve never heard of it.”
“What about these white crunchy things? What beith they?” I demanded.
“Turnip,” she stated.
Chef’s note: It is called Yu Choy and is an Asian green I was not at all familiar with. I would describe it as a mix between bok choy and spinach. I’ve never seen it in my grocery store and wouldn’t go out of my way to buy it again, but did learn something new.
Peons, be wary: if ever there is a meal that shall make others writhe in jealous scorn and contempt over the level of quality you doth bring to the kitchen table, ’tis Blue Apron. Indulgence in one of their hearty meals makes even the bleakest of winters and the task of assembling Ikea furniture seem tolerable. Blue Apron: fit for a king (and/or queen), yet simple and affordable enough for anyone to make and enjoy.
Chef’s commentary on Blue Apron:
Center Cut Pork Chop with Beet, Heirloom Carrot and Hazelnut Salad
This dish was unique in that there wasn’t an obvious starch but it was still very filling. The hazelnuts were a great addition, adding sweet and nutty flavor to the meal. Personally I would cook the beets whole, and then peel and slice them. They are VERY hard to slice uncooked. After trying to do this with little success I just ended up boiling them whole.
Crispy Chicken Thighs with Kumquat Relish and Freekeh Salad
Welcome ingredients I have never worked with! I know Blue Apron tries to incorporate uncommon ingredients and while I have heard of kumquats, I mostly just enjoyed saying the word; hadn’t thought to cook with them, and never even heard of freekeh. This recipe was not our favorite. For starters, my chicken skin browned too quickly – I might have considered finishing cooking the chicken in the oven. This was also the second meal of the week that contained nuts and a shallot/vinegar mixture. I am surprised they would include similar flavors in 2 of their meals. I do like the quick relish method and have used it since, but it’s sort of overkill when you have it 2 nights in a row. Oh also, I would be happy not to use freekeh again – it was sort of like barley or farro but “grainier”.
Shiro Miso Soba Noodles
This meal was our favorite! I love noodles – any day, any time, from spaghetti to soba. I also love Asian flavors so this was a win all around. I cooked poached eggs once before this successfully. During this time around, I attribute the first egg’s failure to the fact that in the background the boyfriend was getting annoyed while putting together a chair from Ikea (has anyone ever put anything together from them with zero issues?). The egg gave the dish creaminess. You also didn’t need to use the whole package of soba noodles so stay tuned for more dishes with soba noodles!
Now if only Blue Apron had a solution for the dishes…
Step 1: Get the boyfriend off the couch.